(Written version)
The more we sit with our fears, the more we get to know them, understand where they are coming from, and integrate the parts of them that reveal what matters to us most.
Last week, we left off asking ourselves a question you might hear me ask a lot:
“How true is that?”
This is a question I really like because when we are following the thread that our fears shed light on, we follow the fear’s logic.
It makes sense. It tells a sound story… Except that when you pause and ask how true that story is, the answer may not be as clear. Or as it often happens, we realize that talking through it, what has felt true so far does not entirely resonate as much as we thought it did.
There is a catch, though. Sometimes, there might be some truth to it. That is part of what makes our fears scary: the uncertainty or anticipation of what the next answer might be. Going back to the example I have been sharing with you from my own life, I fear failure because I fear that I will find myself at a point where I have very little options and I feel unsafe. When I ask myself how true that is… well, there is some truth if I let myself keep at it past the point of depleting my resources (financially and otherwise). That is a legitimate concern. But who gets to decide what that point is? I do.
Ultimately, the importance of asking how true our story is lies not in potential gaslighting of oneself, because your experience is valid and it deserves to be acknowledged. The importance of it lies in giving ourselves the chance to identify where else we have some room to steer the wheel even in the presence of our fears.
Today, or this week, as you ask yourself how true your fear-based story is, I invite you to think about this follow-up question as you meet your fear:
“What is one small decision or action I can take to soothe my fear and care for myself?”
I look forward to hearing your insights so make sure to reply back and let me know what came up. I see you next week to explore another side of the fears: the trade-offs.
