Today’s episode of Lucky to Be Here is the first of two with our guest, Joe Kwon. Joe is the founding attorney of Joe Kwon Law, PLLC, a boutique business immigration practice licensed in Tennessee and serving clients nationwide, primarily on self-petition and extraordinary-ability cases (EB-1A, O-1A/O-1B, EB-2 NIW). But before Joe started serving as a bilingual immigration attorney, there was quite a journey that started with him moving to Tennessee from South Korea with his family as a kid. [You can find Joe Kwon on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook as @joekownlaw to follow him in Korean and English, and book your consultation.]
Throughout our discussion in this episode, we talk about his own experience growing up in what I labeled the “emotional whiplash of belonging,” finding himself away from his life in Korea, assimilating to life in the United States as a teenager, and then finding himself again contending with his identity as his immigration status led him to join college as an international student. We discuss the differences between expectations and reality that fuel the culture shock you may experience, especially as a kid, and how the way we think about immigration may also set ourselves up for frustration over time.
In this newsletter, I want to focus on this piece about belonging. In my eyes, this one is universal, even if we never left our hometown. Side note: you can tell which generation I belong to because I am writing while singing Linkin Park’s “Somewhere I Belong” *cue music break to sing this at the top of my lungs*. But back to a more serious tone, belonging is a difficult concept to unpack because our sense of belonging is multifaceted and dynamic. It changes over time in interaction with others and the environment, and it shapes how we think about ourselves. In some ways, it is paradoxical as the chicken and the egg: Are we who we are because of where we feel we belong? Or does belonging shape who we are? Probably both.
You have heard me or read me say how, in my view, it is at least partially true that we are who we are because of who we are with. But that is not automatic, and there is plenty of pain and grief involved. Take Joe’s example: he went from being a kid in Seoul to adjusting and assimilating to life in Tennessee, which meant feeling at odds with the environment and navigating the isolation of it at times, but eventually found himself being told that he was an international student, which meant going through experiences that did not fully spoke to him. I am sure we can all relate to similar feelings in very different contexts, some even at very low stakes. Like when we were told as kids that we were old enough to take responsibility for certain situations but then were assigned to the kids table at the family gathering until you are way into young adulthood (yes, I may be salty about those times as the eldest daughter in the bunch).
Belonging and identity are intimately tied insofar as the spaces and people we share moments (and life) with help us make sense of our experiences and through that, of who we are (becoming). This is true in our personal and professional lives. Feeling a sense of belonging in a certain professional environment gives you oxygen to show up in ways that feel a lot more aligned, and likely less protective or defensive, than when you feel you are the odd one out that needs to “perform” belonging. Let me be clear about one thing here: belonging does not equal merit. Many of us have earned the right to step into spaces where we still have felt we did not belong and in many cases, it was not just impostor syndrome (which in and of itself is not individual, it is systemic, but that is a different conversation).
Following this idea of the emotional whiplash of belonging, I want to invite you today to ask yourself this question: What personal and professional spaces in your life make you feel that you belong? Spaces where you can put your shield down and be yourself, where you can show up in your fullness (or at the very least, a lot less filtered). What makes these spaces feel that way?
If you are drawing a blank when asked this question (I know I have for a long time!), that is a completely valid answer, too. What would you like more of in spaces in your life so that they can feel closer to places of belonging? Are there spaces where you have felt you belonged but have changed over time? If so, what might have played a role in that shift?
I know these questions can feel heavy at times, so please take them as an invitation without judgement to explore what comes up as you think about them over time. Like Joe mentions in this episode, identity is fluid, and so is belonging. There is no right or wrong way about it, just the awareness of where we are at and how aligned that feels with our version of ourselves at each time. In your own Career as PlaygroundTM, these questions speak to a combination of the Space, which we touched on last week, and the Player, your own sense of self and belief system. There is a feedback loop that happens, often mediated through our Network & Support System, that shapes our sense of belonging.
I look forward to hearing from you on what this reflection and our episode sparked, so please reply back to let me know, and you can also comment on YouTube and Spotify (and please rate and review!).
Next time, we wrap up our discussion with Joe with a comprehensive overview of U.S. visas for international students and professionals (make sure to share this with anyone who is looking for guidance on this!), and how to think about options: the ones we have… and the ones we create.
See you then!