(Written version)
Last week, we started discussing fears: what they sound like in our own minds and sometimes map out across scenarios. We all face them at one point or another, and while we would like them to go away, they are an inherent part of our humanity, so we need to find ways of befriending them.
I shared with you the prompt: “What is the thing that I am most afraid of here?” to start that process. Some of you might have a very short, straightforward answer. Some of you might have written a few pages on this. I personally tend to let things simmer a bit, so I end up writing about it, and then coming back to it later, sometimes days after.
Today, I invite you to go deeper into this answer by getting curious with your fear.
Imagine that someone handed you the answer you wrote and wanted to open up to you about what they are going through. Reread it with that in mind. What stands out to you? Read it out loud. What stories are hiding between the lines?
I will share my own example.
Last week I mentioned that my fear related to my business is the fear of failure. But when I get curious about it, there is more to it. Failure is something I am familiar with. I failed plenty of times (you may have heard the story about how I failed Calculus III so many times I almost got kicked out of college, but I digress). But behind the fear of failure, what I fear is finding myself in a scenario where my options are so limited that I cannot provide for myself and I feel unsafe.
Perhaps for you the fear is one of change and the unknown if you change jobs or careers. Or maybe you are contending with the fear of disappointment that paralyses you because you do not want to experience it again with a new job or even relationship.
What are the stories that hide underneath the fears that we rationalize?
You might be wondering what is the point of going down this path of reflection. It might feel hard and really uncomfortable to even think about this. But here is the gift: when we know what is hiding between those lines, what stories are present for us, then we are also able to tend to ourselves so we can move through them.
I fear failure not because of failure itself but rather because I am associating failing at this business building with lack of options and safety. When I acknowledge that, my coach's brain kicks in:
“How true is that?”
Well, that is the next prompt for you and me to expand on…
That is all for today, and as an extra sip of joy, here is another song that cheers me up for you to shake it off to. I hope you enjoy it, and I look forward to your reply with your insights and questions from this reflection. See you next week for our Community Coffee Hour on Tuesday and our next reflection on Thursday!
