A handful of lessons I learned the hard way
The past few years have been about unraveling for me. Many aspects of my life fundamentally changed in ways I did not expect them to. There were times when I did not know how things would work out (or if at all).
This is true for many others, too. This might also be true for you.
Reflecting about what drives our goals in preparation for next week's Community Coffee Hour, I started thinking about some of the lessons I learned through these times. Here are a few that came to mind:
- Know your non-negotiables:
Life is full of trade-offs. Some are harder than others. But if you know your non-negotiables, you will always have an internal compass to know what is right for you. They might change over time, and that is okay. But keep them top of mind.
Here is one of mine: I need to be able to show up for my family and friends as needed. How does that look in practice? I need a job that allows for me to take family leave/work from abroad/use PTO to make sure that I can be there in person when something comes up.
- Nobody will advocate for you better than yourself:
Regardless of whether you are negotiating a promotion or investing in a new idea, nobody will advocate for you better than yourself because you are the one who knows you best. Is that not true for you? Then get to know yourself now, or someone else will keep calling the shots for you.
Here is what I mean by that: I know that I thrive when I am in community. I need and crave it. So when I was offered a job in a different coast, the job sounded great and I needed it, but it felt too much of an ask for move across country for it. Granted, there were other factors involved. But this one was massive for me. So I said I would not move for it during my interviews. I got the job. Not too long after starting it, I realized that I had absolutely made the right call for myself by not moving away.
- There are no failures. There are lessons, or redirections:
Things may not work out the way we expected them to or we had hoped for. Those are not failures, though they might certainly feel that way. They are lessons we are meant to learn over time or redirections we will be grateful for. Extracting the lesson from the disappointment will pay off in dividends over time. You will do better because you will know better.
An example of my own: Years ago, I invested months of my life preparing for and going through the job interview process for a big tech company. I learned a lot about the industry, the type of role. It effectively meant relearning to think about research in an environment I was not familiar with. I went through the entire process, did the last round with all the presentations and interviews, and waited. When the call came in, I did not get it. I felt devastated and somewhat disoriented. Eventually, I got a different job. But while I was at it, that same company went through a wave of layoffs and freezing hiring, with some of their most recent offers rescinded. Turns out the rejection that stung was a redirection I did not know about.
What is one lesson that you learned the hard way? Reply back to share them...
And keep them in mind! They are going to come in handy when we discuss all about values and intentions next Tuesday.
See you at our next Community Coffee Hour!
