From Here to Next, The One Big Barrier We Face...
(Video version here. Scroll down for written version)
(Written version)
Last week, we were talking about the barriers that get in the way of taking action, and how becoming aware of them can help us move forward in small and big ways. There is one big barrier that I see very frequently in myself and others: the fear of failure.
Fear of failure can take many forms: it can translate into the perfectionist tendencies of going in circles working on the one cover letter you have been working on… or avoiding it altogether because there is a dreadful feeling of how hard it will be to tackle it and make it exactly as effective as you need it to be. Fear of failure can also be the voice in the back of your mind that tells you that maybe you should not send that LinkedIn message to connect with a senior colleague because what if you look silly to them? Or the one that does not reach out to a recruiter or hiring manager, or submit your application, because you do not meet every single checkbox in the job description.
We could spend hours talking about it because we all deal with it in some way or another. Want a very honest example of mine? Even this newsletter has been a massive source of fear of failure for me: “Am I doing it right? Do people even care about this? Is this offering value?”. If I let those voices win, you would not be hearing and reading this, I promise you. So that is the key question: How do we tackle this fear of failure so it does not stop us from actually making moves? Here are a few thoughts.
First, acknowledge it. When you know where you want to go or what you want to achieve next, but you are not making any moves around that, ask yourself: What is holding me back? Let yourself be honest, even if it is only with yourself. What would make it easier for you to face that fear? What do you need to feel more reassured as you take the next step.
Second, accept it. I know, easier said than done. But once we acknowledge what we are fearful of, we might feel pulled to judge ourselves for it, or question ourselves, or want to fix right away. Those are all natural reactions, but they can also be counterproductive. Instead, take time to accept it as what it is, as one other layer that makes you you, so you can then work with it, not against it.
Once you acknowledge and accept, there is the third part. Here is the trick: you build confidence by doing. I am often reminded of a quote by Jean Paul Sartre that I picked up while in college and always keep it close to me: “In a word, man must create his own essence: it is in throwing himself into the world, suffering there, struggling there, that he gradually defines himself.”
So I propose to you a reframe for your fear of failure. Once you sit with it and you learn where it comes from, and what you need to reassure yourself, take action. Any action, even if it is the smallest one. But here is the trick: think of it not as the means to an end, or in terms of the outcome you want to achieve. In fact, think only about it as a learning device, and experiment you are running to see what comes out of it.
With this in mind, reply back and tell me: what is the one “experiment” you are proposing yourself for the next week that gets you closer to where you want to be? And make sure to implement it! We will be using it as input for next week’s Community Coffee Hour and the Brewing.
See you at our next Community Coffee Hour!
PS: If you know anyone who can benefit from this reflection, please share our newsletter with them.
