(Written version)
Last month, we explored the weight of the “shoulds”, and the many ways in which the expectations that we put on ourselves, or that others do, can prevent us from tapping into who we are and what we have to offer ourselves and others. We also explored how these expectations become ways in which we fight reality and eventually, we internalize them in ways that mislead us about who we are and what we are capable of.
This month, we move our focus from the expectations to the journeys, and the power of the in-between. You have probably come across the notion that the journey to our destination has to feel like the destination itself, or some variation of it. But what does that mean exactly?
There is a quote that I love and always have it present with me. It is attributed to Goethe, and it reads: "What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." The reason why I love this quote is directly related to this idea of the journey and the destination feeling the same way. When we set out to achieve a goal, a vision for ourselves, we usually focus on the external reality of it: setting the goal, breaking it down into smaller milestones, identifying what resources we need to achieve them, and so on. We also tend to focus on the future: “When I achieve this…”, “When I do that…”. All these experiences and reference points are valid and necessary. But when we focus solely on them, we miss the biggest factor involved in that plan: ourselves.
Who we are is at the core of what we do, why we do it, and how we do it. We are our most valuable resource, and our experience and transformation as part of the journey is fundamental to every step of the way to the desired destination. We recently explored this as part of our group coaching program, From Here to Clear. During our discussions on resources, we uncovered the ways in which our sense of self shapes our approach and behavior at each step of our way to the desired goal. Sometimes, the resources we have start to deplete, the strategies we have relied on stop working… And what we are left with is ourselves, our vision, and what drives us towards it.
That stage of the “in-between”, where we know where we want to go and we start taking steps towards it, but we do not fully know or understand how we will get to that next milestone, is one of the hardest and richest spaces we can be in. I know this first-hand. An example that I always refer to is my own immigration journey. For many years, I kept telling myself that I would launch my own business the day I got my U.S. Permanent Resident status. Until then, I kept fantasizing about what owning my own business would look like, what services I would offer and how, and so much more. I even developed some of these ideas on random post-its, brain dumps, and phone notes. Then the opportunity came along for me not to wait any longer and simply do it. How? I turned the “in-between” a roadmap into my next step.
This month, we will explore that together as we identify how to make the most out of our in-betweens. Getting started on this exploration requires us to think about this one question:
What in-between am I in right now? What is my starting point and my end goal in mind?
Let’s unpack together how we get from where we are to where we are going. Reply back to share what your in-between is and let’s keep the conversation going. Next week, we will turn this in-between into action through intention.
