(Written version)
We have been talking a lot about shifting from here to what is next, and what these changes and transitions require, from the awareness of the barriers and the role of fear, to what we can do to identify what is holding us back and address it. Last week, we left off in how important it is for us to move through the discomfort and go for it because no amount of planning or strategizing can truly prepare us for how things will play out (and I say this as a MASSIVE planner… if you only knew how much of this I have been doing since 2021 when the initial idea of AGV Services LLC came up for me…).
I believe everything I have been saying and writing, and I have lived through it myself, and because of that I know what you are probably thinking: “Sure, this all sounds nice but it is easier said than done. You go throw yourself out there not knowing how things will play out!” (and technically, I have… I am… You are witnessing it in real time, but I digress…). So the question I want to address today is this: How do you cope with the discomfort and uncertainty as you experiment and learn? How do you keep your spirits up through the ups and downs?
I have a few suggestions.
Building the plane as you go is terrifying, no matter how big or small the plane is, or how tall the gap between you and the ground is. It is scary. So to get started, let me reinforce all my suggestions from last week: identify what is holding you back, what factors weigh on you, address the legitimate concerns you have, and sit with the ones that, while legitimate, might point to some inner work that needs to happen so you can feel better equipped and more reassured in taking the next steps.
Let me reinforce this first point: Your basic needs are the priority. Nothing I say from here on now makes sense if you do not first have your basic needs met. Do you hate your job and want to leave right away? No, my advice to you is not “quit and figure out what is next.” That would be both insensitive and irresponsible. My advice instead is “let’s think about the possibilities based on where you are at right now, and let’s put together an exit plan that makes sense to you.” I have been there and done that, and it is hard, even when you have a lot going for you. So it is important to acknowledge that taking care of yourself by meeting your basic needs today is the best way to invest in yourself and your next steps, and nobody can or should judge you for it.
Now whether you are in a situation like I just described, where you are far from leaving your job or program and you are struggling with it, or you are content where you are at and terrified of making the next move, meeting your basic needs also requires something we do not talk enough about: nourishing your spirit as you go through it.
When we get lost in the grind, the despair, and the hyperfocus on the stress of problem-solving, and frankly surviving, we lose sight of our humanity. We really do. You might hear or read me say this and think “Easy for her to say, but I cannot afford it”, and I want you to know that I get why you feel and think that way, and that I promise you that what you cannot afford is to not let yourself feel seen and taken care of by yourself, even if it is in very small ways. Because when you lose sight of your humanity, the little joys that keep you going, the small moments that spark your curiosity and make you wonder, then you are feeding the side of you that keeps holding on to the panic of what is possible. Breaking from that though is really challenging, especially in the middle of uncertainty and discomfort.
Here are a few small things I have done over the years to help me break from it:
- Curiosity-driven distraction: Yes, that is how I labeled this. I searched for odd ways of distracting myself that were very different from what I am used to, but that sparked curiosity. An example? At the height of my stress while applying for graduate programs in Argentina, I started watching Korean soap operas. They helped me focus on something completely different than my reality for a little bit, and sit in the discomfort of the waiting. They also sparked an interest in Tango lessons… I can tell you more about that later.
- Create to express: What or how is not as important as you doing it. Grab a piece of paper and a pencil, or some yarn. Grab an instrument or play a song and dance like you were the winner of Dancing with the Stars. Explore ways of expressing yourself and what you are going through so you move from mind to body and externalize it. This has two benefits: you do not allow it to bottle it up and bring you down, and you might also surprise yourself with what you create in ways you did not expect. For me, this has been poetry. I have written poetry in some capacity since I was a kid and had felt disconnected from it for a long time. But the more my life drastically changed in the past couple of years, the more it feels like the floodgates opened and the words flow out of me. Reading poetry has lately been a very meditative experience, as well.
- Talk it out: Find the people you feel comfortable sharing with, and share with them how you are feeling. Let them see you and hold space for you. Especially during times when things are changing and it is hard for us to make sense of what is happening, saying that out loud and talking it through can really help us (again) move away from our minds spiraling and into gaining perspective, and maybe a few ideas. But most importantly, it helps us feel less alone. The world expands when we open the windows and doors of our mind to let it breathe for a while. Let others support you and give you the gift of space to breathe.
What resonated the most from this Brewing? What other ideas came to your mind as you were listening or reading this? Reply back to share! Do you have other suggestions of topics to discuss as part of the newsletter? Make sure to email me so I can incorporate them into future emails and discussions in our Community Coffee Hours.
That is all for today. As a reminder, I am opening the doors of AGV Lab for its founding members cohort in only a few days, on June 1. This is a space that makes coaching accessible and affordable at critical times in our careers, while building community, because of how fundamental connection and mutual support are in these processes of career exploration and development. If you have not already, you can enroll to join as a founding member using the link that I share with you below. For the next couple of weeks only, subscribers to the Brewing and Community Coffee Hours get a 25% discount for the next year, so make sure to use the code that I include below.
See you next week!
